Under Wire Bras Were Invented By The Devil

Yes, I said it. Under wire bras were invented by the DeViL! Oh the humanity!!!

While they do an amazing job of pushing and poking your ladies up into unnatural positions of perky wonderfulness for the sole effect of attracting the attention of the opposite sex (or the same sex, if that's your cup of tea) they are in fact very very uncomfortable.

I'm almost completely convinced that all bras in general were created by the Devil because as much as the sales girl at Victoria's Secret has tried to convince me that they are a necessity for any woman with a pair because "we need support" and "they will sag faster otherwise", I have to honestly think that if I'm 80 years old and they are sagging, who am I really going to be showing them to? If I'm lucky enough to still be married when I'm 80 then my husband will be the only one looking at my knockers and he won't expect to see anything new from the previous 50 years so really why the need for an under wire bra?

Why do I find them uncomfortable you might ask?

Well for starters, have you ever noticed that shortly after the first few washes those darn little wires start to lose their shape or heaven forbid, they get tangled up in your laundry during the drying phase and the wire misshapes to all heck? Eventually they start to poke out through the fabric and next thing you know you are sitting at your desk or shopping at the grocery store, go to turn and BAM you're being stabbed in the rib cage by a dainty, not so comforting, evil, pointy, sharp as Dracula's teeth wire...(ha, wire my bum, its more like a mini dagger).

So now you have three options at this point. You can:

1.) you throw the entire bra away (and for most women in this economy, throwing away a bra that cost anywhere from $10 to $90 is not an option)

2.) remove the one wire and walk around with loopsided girls for the remainder of your bra's lifetime or

3.) remove the wire and butcher the other the side of the bra to remove the other wire and be stuck with a bra with both substandard "support" and one side that looks like its been hacked to death by a blind woodsman.

No good has ever, nor can ever come from owning an under wire bra, NONE..just say no! They look cute, they come in pretty colors, some of them have sparkles and fancy do dads all over them enticing you to buy, buy, BUY but they are NEVER worth the torture...

And honestly a man does not care what your girls look like in a bra, they're just gonna throw it on the floor the second you show it to them like a kid tearing open a Christmas present and go in for the goods anyway...why kill yourself over the wrapping when the package is all that really matters?